E.D.E.M Classified Message - James Wylder

E.D.E.M CLASSIFIED MESSAGE
(intercepted through mass email message)
From: (redacted)
To: (redacted)
Subject: RE: Hey lol we got the kid

Dear (redacted),
I don’t think it’s a good idea to write this in an unsecured email. For a couple reasons: 1. That’s just really stupid for reasons I shouldn’t even need to explain 2. This could get intercepted by journalists, or worse, internet posters. 3. We have been dealing with increased Flicker activity recently.

I know you think you’re the toughest bastards this side of the Mississippi, and that a few teenage girls aren’t going to wreck your shit. But you seem to be forgetting these teenage girls have been trained for war, given weapons made with technology from SPACE, and are all HALF-ALIEN, you unfathomable morons. You know what happened to the last E.D.E.M agents in the Chicagoland area who didn’t ask for backup? We found someone ripped their throats out with their TEETH. Oh, and they lost their targets.

It is our mission to remove dangerous alien threats, and sell them to the camps on Derros IV, and the like. This will provide safety to the people of the world. Sure, some people say things like “babies aren’t threats?” “people who committed no crimes aren’t threats?” or “isn’t this making things more dangerous by making us more enemies?” and to that we say—screw you, we’re right. And to capture our targets, we can’t be stupid about this.
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I urge caution for you on your path out of the Chicago area.
Sincerely,
(redacted)
E.D.E.M